Eight causes of dishonesty in intimate relationships
It's easy to lie to a significant other when you don't want to cause them any distress, but this is different from always trying to avoid hurting them.
It's tempting to tell a fib to a significant other when you don't want to risk their wrath or disappointment. Not wanting to hurt someone is not always the same thing. Dishonesty stemming from this sort of fear is motivated by a desire to avoid the pain of other people's disapproval and anger.
Intense emotions, such as anger, are unpleasant for anyone. We've been feeling distant and alone. Regardless of the circumstances, I would hate to be separated from my wife. People often tell fibs to avoid provoking others' anger and maintain harmonious relationships.
No amount of lying is ever acceptable, no matter how angry the other person is with you. Lying is never acceptable and often leads to more issues.
A persistent pattern of behavior
Sometimes, routines do more harm than good. Humans have the innate capacity to establish routines that, when positive, allow us to accomplish more and reach higher levels of performance than we could without them. However, unhealthy habits typically cause more issues than they're worth, but we keep them up anyway.
Becoming habitually dishonest is not healthy. Over time, one study found, it's easier to lie. To put it simply, dishonesty becomes more habitual the more you engage in it. There are structural and functional brain changes that occur during dishonest behavior that can set the stage for similar decision-making in the future.
This goes against our natural inclination, as we prefer not to cause others pain or distress. It stands to reason, then, that the harm we do to ourselves when we lie would make us think twice before doing it again. A different dynamic emerges, however, if you manage to avoid being apprehended. It's possible that your brain will tell you that this is a good idea. A guilty conscience won't prevent you from employing the same strategy again.
The intent to prevent harm and ensure the safety of others
Those who lie out of a sense of duty to those they care about are typically worried that telling the truth would hurt their significant other. When we inflict suffering on other people, we experience guilt and remorse.
Some people may engage in dishonest behavior without being callous or uncaring people. There's a chance they're trying to protect you from harm by not telling you certain things. At this point in time, they are genuinely concerned about how you are feeling.
Maybe they want you to find out the real story. But right now they have to choose between telling you the truth and hurting you or lying and protecting you from pain and, perhaps, an angry reaction.
Value you assign to something you don't want to lose
A dishonest partner may value something more than honesty and be unwilling to sacrifice it. This, sadly, is not an exaggeration. Sometimes, honesty isn't enough, and maybe you or I want more. Don't get me wrong; I do not think honesty is unimportant. The truth is, I think it
The big picture can be obscured by the details at times. It's human nature to prioritize immediate gratification and superficial appeal over long-term gain. It's possible that a person doesn't want to end the relationship, end the affair, or give up the behavior because they enjoy it.
On the other hand, truthful outcomes in the future are preferable to dishonest ones in the present. If you are hiding something from me and not being completely forthright, I encourage you to embrace the potential outcomes. Think about the repercussions and gains of honesty could be
Enjoying the excitement of dangerous pursuits
As we discussed, dishonesty can emerge from the need to conceal something. A person may lie in order to hide the fact that they are engaging in potentially harmful or immoral but nonetheless pleasurable behavior. There's that old issue of prioritizing the rush one gets from dishonesty
This is evident in people who are engaged in harmful habits like having an affair, viewing pornographic media, using drugs, etc. Brain chemistry creates powerful cravings for both safe and risky activities. Deception on this issue is understandable, albeit wrong. The brain's reactions can win out over one's own willpower, making firm limits all the more important.
Remorse for one's past actions
Everyone has a bit of a shame complex inside. When we fail even slightly, we convince ourselves that we are not worthy of admiration or affection. But we still hope not to be turned away.
One's likelihood of lying to their spouse or other close relationships increases when they are ashamed of some aspect of themselves, no matter how minor. When someone is dishonest, they often assume that the other person will treat them less favorably as a result of their own feelings of shame.
It makes sense, but the person who holds onto shame is the one who suffers. As a result of the actions it motivates, shame increases self-doubt and social isolation. Don't be dishonest because you're embarrassed. Tell yourself the truth: you are still a person who deserves love and acceptance.
Having no feelings for one's partner or spouse
Some people cheat on their partners because they no longer care about them. They don’t care what the spouse or partner thinks either They're trying to avoid giving the other person any reason to respond aggressively. As some would put it, all they care about is "getting what's theirs."
Rather than being motivated by love, their actions are self-centered and self-centered. Due to apathy and lack of care for their partner, they will not only repeat the behavior but also fabricate excuses for it.
This bodes poorly for the future of their connection. The unfaithful partner has checked out and could leave, but they are likely reaping some benefit, however small, from maintaining contact with their spouse.
Arguments, as well as the worry of being alone, are common causes of stress.
A dishonest partner may be afraid of fighting or being abandoned. The fear of fighting in a relationship typically develops early on and worsens over time. They see that fighting doesn't solve anything and are afraid of losing their partner if the fighting keeps up.
They have been taught to avoid confrontation at all costs. Simply put, they reason that it's preferable to lie than risk losing their partner in a fight. This is a common occurrence in the clients I see in my counseling practice. While the dishonest partner desperately wants to be honest, they are too afraid to fight for it for fear of further damaging their partner's trust.
Usually, the husband, the wife, or both have said things like "divorce" or "I'm leaving" after a major fight between them. An end must be put to this vicious cycle. Better communication, conflict resolution skills, and openness are essential.
Cheating on your spouse is serious business. It hurts and breaks up the couple On the other hand, gaining insight into your partner's dishonesty by learning about their motivations can help you to view their behavior in a new light. Sometimes, a fresh viewpoint is all it takes for a couple to figure out how to finally resolve the issues that have been plaguing them. Something else is usually at the heart of the issue, not lying.
December 8, 2022, at 11 a.m. Pictures of John Lennon and his killer, Mark David Chapman, from right before his murder in 1980. Getty Images/innie Zuffante/Michael Ochs Archives/Bureau of Prisons In New York City on December 8th, 1980, one of the worst tragedies in rock music history occurred.
At 11 a.m. on December 8, 2022 John Lennon and his killer, Mark David Chapman, in the months before his murder in 1980. Photo by innie Zuffante/Bureau of Prisons/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images New York City experienced one of the worst days in rock 'n' roll history on December 8th, 1980.
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